I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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