I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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