She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
