I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
