i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
