I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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