So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
did i walk over a car last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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