My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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