We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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