carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
