i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
