Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
