What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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