I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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