who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
