just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
