i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
