That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
