Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
