I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
