How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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