I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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