I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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