I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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