The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
