that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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