Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
