Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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