SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
