i permit you to call me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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