How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
