Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
