There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
