Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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