My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
