i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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