I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
