At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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