I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
