My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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