I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
