why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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