but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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