Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
