So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
