is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
