U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
