those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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