U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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