Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
