I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
