my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
