I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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