His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
