the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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