Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize