So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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