We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
