My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
