I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
