I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
