I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
