She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
