i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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