worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
