I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
