we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
