This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
