I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
