so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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