I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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