I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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