Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
