awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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