Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
